God and Math

It has been far too long since my last post, and I apologize for that. I've had a lot of things going on...most of them not really worth noting...that have been keeping me from actually sitting down to post something new.

...But I'm on duty right now, so I have most all of the time in the world. :-)

So here I am.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of different things...perhaps some would call it, "The Mathematics of God and the Christian Faith." By this I mean the pontificating of questions such as, "Was Jesus always the Christ? If not, when did He become God in human form?" Questions like, "When we are moved by the Holy Ghost to worship, does that mean that God is worshipping Himself? If so, why would God worship Himelf?" I love thinking about these convoluted theories and ideas of God. There's no way I could ever understand some of these questions and their answers, and some things one just has to accept as being true or false, real or unreal, good, bad, and simply okay.

...That's something else that we tend to do as humans. When we think of opposites, we think of good vs. evil, love vs. hate, etc. What is the true opposite of good? Is it really evil, or is it simply not good? What is the opposite of love? Is it hate, or is it to not love? What is hate? What is evil? Where is there middle ground? Do some things not fit on the spectrum of good and evil, love and hate?

Personally, I think we muddle things up...create broad lines and boxes that keep things at a manageable level. Perhaps there are some things that God doesn't actually care about. Perhaps we, as humanity, come up with things because of our limited understanding...and because we don't like some of these things, we decide that God doesn't like them. Or, perhaps we force God to view certain things as good and right because we see them as being good and right. Does this mean that we are putting words into God's mouth when He has, through humanity, made known some of His identity...some of His relationship with humanity.... Perhaps God does not view certain things as good and not good, or evil and not evil. Perhaps there are some things that God sees as being simply...OKAY.

The ideas that are released when discussing the Bible are interesting ones as well. God clearly inspired the writers of the various books of what we now know as being the Bible (Old and New Testament). Humanity wrote the words, and interpreted the words based on what they saw, heard, felt, and understood. Humanity translated the words from the original language into the various other languages (and continues to do so as best as it can, and as accurately as it can). Humanity believed it was necessary to edit what would and what would not be included in the various Christian Bibles (to include the apocrapha or not the include the apocrapha? What parts of the apocrapha to include, and what not to include? Which Gospels are "gnostic" and which are "legit?"). There are a million things that we, as humans, have done, and continue to do, that define what is and what is not Christianity.

What about God? When do we allow Him to tell us what is and what is not Christianity? When do we allow him to set the parameters of our faith? Surely to Him, we should do this all day, every day of every week of every month of every year of our life once we have personally committed our life to God. When do we take the reigns of our faith in Him? When do we take the reigns in general? Often, we feel it necessary to judge others...to practice justice. If someone murders a million people, we feel it necessary to give that person the death penalty. What if we allowed God to take care of that person? What if we allowed God to be the judge...to practice justice? What if we did what we knew should be done to protect society...incarcerate the perpetrator and not let him/her out? What if we truely went before the Lord and asked Him when we should let a certain perpetrator out? What if we didn't have set rules...set policies...set lengths of time to punish someone...but we took each incident and situation on a case-by-case basis and only doing so with the leadership of God? Basically what I'm describing here is a true theocracy...a situation of Jesus for President, if you will.

Ha...what if all of the Christians of the world wrote in Jesus for president, prime minister, or whatever the title is for the head hauncho of the political realm of a country?

These are questions that I have often wondered. I have all of the time in the world to ponder these questions. It's not like these questions actually do anything to make me more or less Christian; these are questions that one can ponder just because. One ought to know that the answers may never come, or that answers may be so complex that they're incapable of being understood (like where did God come from, and how long has He been there...whereever "there" is?). Some answers may be inaccurate, and should not have any faith or belief placed in them. They're simply ideas. They're thoughts. They're purely for intellectual challenge, and not for the purpose of trying to understand God, because we'll never do that, and we should never understand God. Perhaps we shouldn't try to understand God. When I ask myself these questions, I don't do so for the purpose of trying to understand God; I do it just because I'm bored, and I start thinking, and eventually thoughts lead to questions of "high theology" or the mathematics...the theories...the philosophies of God.

I feel like I'm becoming a heretic. In some way, I am a heretic. In some ways, I challenge the beliefs of many Christians. That's okay. I don't want to fit into a box. I don't want to put a label on myself. Labels are something else that humans created and have decided to continue to practice. I know why we do it: it's because it makes things easier for us to understand. When we decide to scrap the label-making system and look at people as the individuals we are, it's harder to process, harder to keep up with, BUT it means that we see a wider variety...a more colorful group...a fuller spectrum...a well-rounded view of humanity and creation.

Am I confusing the trousers of anyone?

Happiness, or the process of finding it

Recently, I was told that a friend of mine is exploring the Catholic faith.

I think it's wonderful that my friend is looking at the Catholic church. A lot of people have a negative perception of the Catholic church because of what they see in the media, or because of Catholics by birth...or something like that. People who seek out the church and wind up in the Catholic tradition are different, as are those who are real Catholics and practice their faith genuinely. I went to a Catholic Mass once, and I had a really good, spiritual experience. Like...I cried because of how moved I felt. As long as my friend is figuring things out and seeking the will of God for his/her life...not on his/her own wild tangent, or trying to stifle him/herself, or trying to impress others, or trying not to disappoint others....

I'm trying to do the same thing. I'm realizing that I'm happier now that I'm allowing myself to express who I really am. For so long, I've been trying not to disappoint other people; I've been trying to be someone that I simply am not. I started to realize who I really am whilst at university, and I started allowing myself to express the things that I've kept hidden from everyone since forever ago. Certainly, I took it too far here and there, but it's bound to happen, and it's good that it happened. I got burned, but I got tougher because of those burns. I don't regret anything that I've done in the past five years because I see the value in those experiences, and I learned something each time. Slowly but surely, I'll continue to explore myself, explore God, and see why God has allowed certain things to happen to me...figure out what I'm supposed to do with these cards that I've been dealt. No matter what, I intend to make God happy, and to serve Him by serving others, and to live as rich a life as I can; that is the direction that I want to go in. I'll make a million mistakes, but as long as I learn at least one lesson from each mistake, then I consider it fair game. I still have a number of tests to put myself through, and I still have limitations on what I will and will not do (and I'm a poet but didn't know it). I am most certainly not abandoning all of the past and all of the morals and values that I've been taught and practised over the years; I'm simply colo(u)ring in the framework. I'm still figuring out what I think about this issue and that...how far is too far...what is right, what is wrong, and what is simply okay....

I don't mean any of this in just one or two ways...I mean that I am experiencing an overhaul of thoughts and ideas. I'm realizing my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats, as well as my identity and my being. This isn't an experience of, "Well, now I think this rather than that," or something; this is much more meaningful than a simple alteration of what was once. In some ways, I'm going back to square-one, or somewhere between there and where I am now.... Somewhere in all of this is a new perspective of God. Something has changed in how I see my Creator, Redeemer, and Guide, but I don't know what has changed....

I'm going to return to the States (eventually) and surprise a lot of people with the new thoughts and ideas that some people are going to think is because of the English society or European culture corrupting me or something like that. This I promise: it is the experience whilst in England that has allowed me to truly take a critical look at myself, my God, and my faith, and put these three together to form the true Billy. I'm happier now than I was three months ago, and I'll be more happy in three months than I am now.

I feel like I talk about myself too much.

...and I'm hungry. My lust (yes, LUST) for Ben and Jerry's will NEVER change.

...and I need to go to bed. It's almost 4am....

Week Five!!

Hello, Everyone!

Week five is down. I've had so many incredible experiences...I don't really know where to begin.

I've managed to lose 5kgs, which is about 12 pounds. That's quite a feat seeing as the food at Yeldall Manor is AMAZING. I've also started jogging. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to jog with one of the residents, but instead of doing the normal "cross country," we're going to go back and forth in the backyard. I guess you could call it "touch sprints" or something like that. 'Til be good...and I won't like it...but I'll be buzzin' afterwards.

I went to a conference a few weeks ago and met volunteers from ALL over. Mainly Europe, but there were two people from South Korea and one other volunteer from the States. Most of the volunteers were German, but there were a number from Hungary as well. A good time was had, and I'm so glad that I'm here...doing what I'm doing...meeting all of these people...having this incredible experience.

Last week I was in Wales on holiday with the lads. We went on a hike, did a high ropes course, and did an indoor wall climbing...thing. I have never screamed so much for the good Lord as when I was on the high ropes course. I sang "Jesus Loves the Little Children," and not because I was filled with the Spirit but because I was scared out of my mind. The sheep in Wales were all over the place. There's probably more sheep than people. The landscape is...unbeatable. If someone ever tells you that they're going to give you a trip to Wales, TAKE IT.

I'm still looking for a church to go to regularly, but I've found one church that I think I'm going to go to. Wycliff Baptist in Reading, which has a good young adult group. In fact, I've been hanging out with some of them, and I'm going to go out with a few later tonight.

Mmm...actually, I need to take a shower and get ready to go. I have to bike to the Twyford Train Station, which is 2.5 miles from where I am, and a good 15 minutes. I'm so scare that I'm going to be hit by a car because people don't drive in a straight line here. The lines separating the lanes are more of a guideline than an actual rule...a suggestion rather than a law.

Keep on keepin' on, KIDS!!

Another Good Week Down

Friday is here, which marks the end of Week Two.

Thus far, I have learned so much. I really should start a list of all of the things that I've learned. I've learned all kinds of things about God, humanity, and why fires start at one end of the room and suddenly ignite on the other end without the fire from end A moving to end B.

I know that last bit doesn't make a whole lot of sense...but...whatever.

I've been pushed, too. Like...physically, spiritually, mentally.... I have been thinking about a lot of different things lately, like who I am, what I am, why I am, how I am, blah blah blah. I've also been jogging with another volunteer and one of the residents, which has been whooping me. BUT, I have lost some weight (both the scale and a resident told me that today), AND I'm getting better. The jogging is for about 1.5 miles, and I am able to gently jog about 3/4 of it. I can't believe that...after four times of going for the jog.... AND, this isn't all flat jogging; it's up a few hills and traversing through a field and up a driveway a down a rural road.... I feel good about it, but I feel better once I've had my shower and washed all of the gross off.

Speaking of gross, one thing that I did NOT enjoy about this week happened today. The staff watched this video on the spread of infection diseases, and how to stop the spread of them, and that sort of stuff. I'm so freaked out right now about anything and everything that I touch, and I'm afraid that I'm going to get some parasite or bacteria or virus or something that hasn't been discovered yet and it is neither parasite nor bacteria nor virus. GAH!

Ha ha...and late last week I was freaking out because I was coughing a lot and I had some cold-like symptoms and I thought I was getting swine flu. I started freaking out and I didn't want to tell anyone that I was getting swine flu because I don't want to be quarantined like in that movie...which just happens to be called "Quarantine," and be shoved in to an autoclave and have doctors from around the world poke and prod and inject stuff into me and do experiments. I know this sounds like I'm describing an extraterrestrial abduction, doesn't it?

Back to my fear of contracting swine flu. I calmed down long enough to take a dose of Nyquil, then a dose of Dayquil (all when appropriate), and I felt fine. So, I'm not going to be tested on, and I'm not going to be quarantined, and I'm not going to turn into a pig, either.

Tomorrow, two other volunteers and I are going to Windsor Castle, and maybe to Oxford. It will be so nice to go out with some of the other volunteers and have a merry time. Then on Sunday, I'm going with some of the other volunteers, staff, and maybe some residents to London's O2 stadium...thing...and see Hillsong lead worship for a ten year anniversary or something or other. I'm looking forward to that, too. Then Monday through Thursday, I'll be going on my first conference to London. This one is a meeting of a lot of the Time For God volunteers, and it's a sort of orientation/welcome to the UK and our awesome English culture. On Friday, I go to a workshop-type thing where I'll learn about the care of medicines and dispensing them and how to be careful about medicines and things like that.

That reminds me about two things: A) I opened a bank account in the England this week, which means that I'm able to establish some credit in the UK, which is incredible, and I'm kind of excited and kind of nervous about that, but I'm more excited about it than anything, and (B) I may be able to get some certification in Care Ministry and other things like that through working at Yeldall Manor and attending various conferences, which Yeldall will pay for.

In TWO weeks, I MIGHT be able to go with the residents and some of the staff to Wales for Holiday. AH!! I'm freaking out about that! The residents (and me, if I'm able to go) will do all kinds of fun things, but I don't know what we'll be doing, and it will be loads of fun, and I'm so excited about the posibility of me going.

...And I still need to find a church for me, and I still need to learn how to drive a manual vehicle. Driving in England won't be as difficult as I think it will be...because basically I just drive until I'm forced to stop for some reason, and I change lanes whenever I feel like it, and I go as fast as I please, and I can be as aggressive as I want. I'm kidding about most of that...but when I do start driving, I will have to be a more aggressive driver than I am in The States. When it's meal time at Yeldall Manor, there is no politely saying, "Oh, you get some carrots first, and then I'll get some." No, when you want carrots, you get carrots as soon as you can, even if you have to crawl across the table to get to the carrots, battling it out against those who are also going for the carrots, and the potatoes, and the Shepherd's Pie. Meal times can be brutal at Yeldall if you aren't careful.

So...I still need to find a church, and I would like to find a social group outside of Yeldall. I like the idea of going to one of the local universities and joining a group there, or something like that. I really haven't seen many people who look like they're about my age...and London is too far for me to go each week for a coffee or a tea.

That's it. I'm done for tonight.

EXCEPT, here's my address:

Billy Jones

Yeldall Manor

Blakes Lane

Hare Hatch

Reading

RG10 9XR

United Kingdom

I'm so proud of these men.

Folks, I am working alongside a group of very lucky individuals.

These people are changing lives, little bit by little bit. The residents don't like some of the things that are going on, and some of the residents resist the efforts, and they get angry, and they try to make life easier by cheating, and all kinds of other dramatic things go on regularly....

BUT...

The men that the staff at Yeldall Manor works for are incredible. I am so proud of each and every one of these men who have put the world on hold and taken time to get their lives back on track.... These men are incredible. I don't know how to describe the feeling that I have when I think about the amount of growth that some of these men must have experienced before I arrived. The stories that some of these men have to tell are funny, but others are traumatic. It's a wonder they aren't dead, some of these guys. I can't believe that the world is such a terrible place, but I can't believe the light that shines out of the cracks and crevices that exist in the imperfect darkness.

One of the residents told me today that he's so thankful that I'm here, and that he really enjoys having me, and that he isn't aware of any other volunteer quite like me (I can believe that, seeing as I'm a bit off my nut). He told me that he hasn't heard one bad thing about me from the other residents, and that others agree with him that I'm doing a great job and that they like me and that I've assimilated well into their culture and their family. Even though I don't have a history of drug addiction or alcoholism, and even though I don't smoke, and even though I haven't been arrested or in any sort of trouble with the law, I am still able to relate to these men and make jokes and offer encouragement and express myself properly and show God to these men...some of whom have God, and some of whom do not. There are many men who are thinking about God...trying to figure things out. I encourage their questions, and I encourage them to find their own answers.

It's 1:11 AM here, but I absolutely had to take some time to just say that Yeldall Manor has some incredible residents, and an incredible staff who loves the residents...even if the residents don't understand or don't like what the staff is doing.

Week One: COMPLETE

The end of week one is upon me, and I have really found this place to be a good place. I am comfortable with the residents and with most of the staff. There are still some staff that I'm a bit nervous around, and there are some that I still haven't met or been formally introduced to. I have found a group of guys that I can talk to and have a good time with. I support them, and they support me as well. A number of them ask me how I'm doing during the day, teach me something new (like how to do a proper trimming job on the hedges, or how to play pool like a pro, or something like that). I can have conversations with them about a number of different things, and we can share details with each other. They understand that I have never used drugs or been an alcoholic or been arrested or in trouble with the law, but I think they also understand that I'm here, not to judge, but to serve and to learn and to support them and give them something that others can not. I don't know what that "other" thing is that I have to offer, but I'm sure that I'll discover it at some point.

I'm also being pushed by the residents. Yesterday, Darren, one of the volunteers here, asked me if I wanted to go for a jog. It was him and two residents going for about a mile and a half. I reluctantly said yes. I had a really hard time, but "Mike" was incredibly supportive, patient, and told me that he would walk with me as long as I like. I told him that I would need for him to push me some, or I would walk the whole way, and that's not what I should do. He did just that: he pushed me, and when I wanted to walk, he would get behind me and litterally push me so that I had to jog some more. I finally had to stop jogging and tell him that my legs were about to fall off and my heart was about to pack its bags and jump out of my chest. Mike understood, and he just kept walking with me.

Then I gave my first chit today. Chits are like a documentation of a violation. When someone breaks a rule, or shows disrespect, or doesn't perform up to standards, staff have to write out a chit and then hand it to the resident. It's not fun, and I've seen and heard a number of residents get aggravated, even angry, over them. I understand where they come from, but at the same time, I understand where the staff comes from. It's a part of my job, so I have to do it.

So when I gave my first chit, it was to one of the new residents...like he got here this past Wednesday. I pulled him aside, explained why I had to issue the chit, and handed it to him. He said he understood, took the chit, and walked away. PHEW. I didn't get a boot in the face.

Everything is going well. I'm still waiting to hit the wall and realize that this isn't Fantasy Land, but I really am on another continent, in another country, and doing everyday stuff here. I really am weeding, and trimming, and eating, and writing, and reading, and walking, and talking and living life in another country. This seems so weird. It's hard to imagine that these guys have been here for a while, and that they would still be here if I weren't here. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "This person who is talking right now would probably be talking about this very thing, even if I weren't here to witness it." Their conversations would still happen, they would still wake up and do their jobs, they would still eat, and they would still do whatever else they do during the day and the night...even if I weren't here. They have always existed...they aren't characters that just appeared on stage for an act in my play....

...And I find myself thinking that all of the people who are back in the states are going about life as if it were normal. Life change is taking place with the many people that I've left, and they're still eating, and they're still walking, and they're still living life. It's so weird to me that there are other cultures and other people in this world. It's so weird to me that 5PM here is 12AM in the States, and that it's 6PM in Paris. This is weird, but I enjoy it immensly. Emmensly. However it's spelled. I wasn't in school that day....

It's almost dinner time. I think we're having fish and chips, which excites me a lot. :-)

Please Pray For "Carl."

Please pray for Carl. He just made an unwise decision.

Farmer Bill

Today was a WONDERFUL day.

I got to learn a bit more about a few residents...things that I need to know before really getting into work with them. I'm learning, now, what it means to be a staff person at Yeldall. It's funny, because I live here 24/7, and it's difficult not to create relationships with some of these guys, but it's also difficult because, sooner or later, I'll have to start issuing chits (or notices of infringement...when one of the residents does something against policy). I'm going to feel like an resident assistant again. This is like being a resident assistant after a few lattes, I'm sure.

I find it more and more difficult to speak American, but I don't want to speak English because I don't want the staff and residents to think that I'm being a poser or something. I want to be genuine, but I'm genuinely confused as to how to speak and what words I should use. I'm using certain words because it's easier for the people here to understand me if I use their language. It's weird when I talk, though, because I'm speaking with an American accent...and I haven't heard an American accent for some time now.

Today was a work day...my first. There was a morning staff meeting, then the staff divided up and went to there respective places. I went to the allotment (the garden, which is quite nice!) and started picking tomatoes and cucumbers and leeks (by the way, I LOVE leeks!). I also did a bit of weeding. There were two tea breaks and lunch. Lunch was what everyone first thinks of when they think of England--FISH AND CHIPS. Here's the funny thing about English fish: they kept the skin on the fish. Not a big deal, though. you just eat it with the rest of what's there. No problem. It was fried, and there were chips as well. I put vinegar on the fish, of course, as one should do when they eat fish and chips. It's proper to do so...and you can't do it any other way. Oh, and FRESH PICKED blackberries and plums. Both were picked earlier that day by another volunteer, who started the same day I did.

SO my computer just shut down all by itself, and I don't really know why. I'm hoping that it doesn't happen again. I had a train of thought going, but I suddenly have no idea what I was talking about.

I just had dinner. It was delicious...AGAIN! A sort of beef pie with carrots, cabbage, green beans, and mashed potatoes (ALL of the vegitables were from the allotment), and for pudding (dessert), we had a delicious sponge cake with custard. There was also an apple and rhubarb crumble (it's like a pie), but I didn't have the room in my belly for it. I had to go without, sadly.

Folks, I would like to ask that you keep two people in your prayers. I'm going to give them nicknames because I think that's important, but God knows EXACTLY who these folks are: Mikey and Donny. I mean, EVERYONE here needs prayer for some reason or other (staff and volunteers included in that), but these two especially are on my heart right now. I won't go into reasons because, again, God knows the issues.

Alright. I would love to have another book by Augusten Burroughs to read, but I sadly do not. "A Wolf At The Table" was terribly sad, but it was also a wonderful read...wonderfully written. There's a bit of hope in Mr. Burrough's story. I think I'd like to read "Running With Scissors" next....

CHEERS!

In the middle of culture shock

I'm still in the middle of culture shock. It's still a bit baffling when the food for evening tea (or what Americans call dinner) is set up buffet style and there doesn't seem to be a queue (line) or any other sort of organized order to get food. That's what happened last night for tea and again for tuck (evening snack). One of the residents, a very nice man, we'll name him "Greg," looked at me and told me to jump in...that there was no queue. I told him that I was beginning to realize that, and that I was still trying to get used to the English rules of queuing and when there wasn't one and when there was one and how to opperate in a queue, etc. He gave me a smile as if to say, "I know what you mean, but I don't know what you mean because all of this is completely normal to me."

...And then there's the driving. The white line in the middle of the road...the one that is supposed to keep people in their lane and from making head-on collisions...is more of a suggestion, or a basic guideline, rather than being a rule or a law. Some will park their car in the middle of the lane, and drivers will have to drive into the lane of on-coming traffic in order to dodge the parked car. Sometimes this happens on both sides of the road, so a driver will have to drive down the middle of the street with parked cars on the left and the right. If a driver is on a road that doesn't seem to be too busy (or, it isn't busy where the driver is), the driver will drive in the middle of the road...straddling the white line. Drivers also go back and forth from one lane to another, especially at round-abouts and other intersection-like places. And let's not even begin to talk about speed limits.... OH! And there are some places where the road goes from two lanes to one. Not one lane for each direction...but ONE lane. It's expected that each car will take turns: first the car headed north will cross the bridge on the one lane, then the car going south, then the car going north.

Despite the differences in driving styles, I've not been scared out of my mind yet. In fact, I've enjoyed riding in the car. It's a bit of an adventure.

Uh Oh--there goes the bell. I think it's about time for me to get ready to head down for lunch. Yes, lunch is called lunch in England unless lunch is going to be on Sunday, or if it's going to be a nicer, finer meal. In that case, it's called Dinner. And Breakfast, as far as I can tell, is always Breakfast. There is a mid-morning tea, though. Today (Monday, 31 August) is Bank Holiday, so I won't get to experience my first tea until tomorrow.

CHEERS!!

EDIT::I've lost a few pounds already! It's the walking about, the vegitables, and the smaller portions, I'm guessing. I'm also not doing any late-night snacking like I used to. I ought to keep this up, eh?

Hello from my room...at Yeldall Manor!

I made it to the UK. The flight was bearable (long and boring, and I couldn't get much sleep) and I made it to Heathrow just fine. There weren't any problems with my visa, and I didn't go through Customs (I hope I wasn't supposed to).

I met Ben and volunteer, Stuart, at Heathrow. We had a coffee, then got in the car (yes, the steering wheel was on the right side of the car) and we drove away. Ben drove on the left side of the road, and he didn't mind driving in the middle of the road...like, straddling in the white line. Oh, and he went above the posted speed limit. White lines and speed limits are suggestions and guidelines...not actual rules and laws.

It's a little hard to understand everyone. The accent is kind of thick, but not unbearably hard. I have enjoyed meeting everyone and eating with them, walking around this acrage (it's BEAUTIFUL!) and experiencing the weather.

AH. The weather. The English have been asking me about the weather. The English, according to Kate Fox, love to talk about the weather. I didn't put 2 and 2 together, and I wish I had earlier. I don't think I've offended anyone because I've been telling them that I really enjoy the weather. I do, too. It's much cooler, and I really do like cool weather. Nah...I don't think anyone's offended.

My room is quite nice. I'll post a video or photos or something soon. The light bulbs, locks, outlets, etc. are not like America, and there is no central heating. I like all of this. This is nice....

People have been nice, too. Welcoming, or they don't say much. When they don't say much, I understand they're keeping their privacy, and they might be trying to respect mine. I won't be the gregarious American who comes in full of hugs and handshakes. 'Tis not my style.

We went shopping today in Maidenhead. I loved it! The shopping center is NOT American. It's much like...well...Diagon Alley from Harry Potter. I really enjoyed it.

Let's see.... The food is good. I've had some traditional English food, like pies, custard, prawns, BLACK CURRANT BEVERAGE (which I LOVE!!).

Tell you what: my laptop is about to die again, so I need to turn this guy off and give it a charge. I'm not sure if I can plug my laptop into the wall with the adaptor and without the converter. My laptop might be "dual voltage," but I don't know that, and I don't want to blow my laptop to pieces. I turn it off, and that seems to keep the laptop and the wall outlet happy.

Cheers, Mates. Write to you later. Going to bed so I can wake up ready for Church!

There Is So Much To Say

WOW.

I leave in four days. I will be getting on a plane in FOUR DAYS.

AH! I can't believe this is happening. I'm excited, fo' sho', but I'm also anxious (which is to be expected). More than anything else, though, I have a mental check list of everything that needs to be done. I have to go to the bank, Lens Crafters, Creekside, Reinhardt, Old Navy, I would like to go to my high school one last time, blah, blah, and more blah. AH! AAAHHH!!!

Yesterday was my last day at Old Navy. It was a good day. I was hoping to go out with a bang, but I didn't go out with as big of a bang as I was hoping. I went out with a ... pop, I guess. I did cry on my way out and I had to go to the fitting room to recollect myself twice. Old Navy in Cumming has been so good to me, and I wish I could show everyone there how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate their generosity, kindness, support....

Then today was church, and Pastor Jason and Ric commissioned me. Did I spell commissioned correctly?? And I saw a lot of people for the last time for a year.... I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone like I had hoped, but no matter. I will see them later, most likely.

Then there was a final family gathering this afternoon. My grandparents had me over for a Sunday dinner. It was nice. I'm looking forward to seeing them at Christmas...via Skype (because I'm not coming home)...and sharing with them all of the cool stuff I've seen and done and experienced. I'm also looking forward to sharing with them selected stories of horror and dismay at what kinds of things I've seen and had to do.

I continue to think more and more about this experience. I don't know what to expect anymore. I have ideas of what I would like to experience, but I have no idea what I'm going to actually do and see and learn. I want to go to England with little agenda, and I want God to take a strong hold of my mind and heart and do what He will. I want to leave England with clarity and confidence, and a stronger understanding of God's will for my life, what is and what is not right, and what is simply okay with God (neither right nor wrong). Mostly, though, I just want to meet people and learn from them and impart some amount of compassion. I'd rather not go to Yeldall Manor with the idea of changing lives and squelching the darkness that has grown within them; I would rather go to Yeldall Manor and help the residents change themselves, and help them see the light within themselves, and encourange them to make their light brighter. I can't make the darkness go away, but I can encourage them to make their own light shine...which, in turn, makes the darkness go away.

Does that make sense?

Here's a thought that I had in church: if women and femininity were prefered in Biblical times and in the society/culture that was in place during the time when the stories and occurances and events took place, would Jesus be a woman?

I would like to know your thoughts on the above question....

Nine Days....

I have nine days until I leave. I'm super excited, some anxious...but more than anything, I simply can't believe this is actually going to happen.

I suppose everything is said and done when the plane leaves the ground at take-off.... I said that at the beginning, but I'm beginning to say it again.

AH!! I'm going to go to England for a year-long mission trip, serving God by serving others, doing what little I can to help the staff and the residents, in hopes of bringing a smile to the face of Jesus!

Now...if only I could find my battery charger for my camera...AND do this...AND get that...AND pack the other.... So much to do in such little time.

Sabatical

I'm beginning to look at the year ahead as a sabatical, and not just a mission trip. Most certainly I am going to England to serve God by serving others; that is the primary reason for going. There are, however, a number of other reasons. This is an opportunity to, hopefully, clear my head of a number of distractions and take the time to really think, research, PRAY about some things that have plagued my mind for years, but have really started bothering me a few months ago. This is an opportunity to get away from a lot of things. There will be plenty of distractions in England, and all of life's most pressing questins will not be answered in a fortnight. I do believe that, with time and patience and this opportunity to slow down and...well...shut up, I can finally begin to look for some answers, and ask myself and God some really hard questions.

Why do I feel the way I do about...?

...And why is it that I have never...?

...And who am I, and who is this person, and who is that person...?

...And what is God's plan for my life...like what am I supposed to do with my time and what am I supposed to do in order to pay the bills...?

...And when am I going to meet...?

...And...am I really...and what does God think about...?

There are so many wonderful things that can come out of this year. The closer the day comes, the more I'm realizing that this is most certainly something that I need to do for myself, for God, and for my relationship with others. I have a small...SMALL...list of expectations, and those expectations may be met. There will be more to happen in the first month than I can even imagine, let alone the eleven months to follow.

***

In other news, the traveler's medical insurance should be purchased today! After that, I should be sending a check or something to Time For God. Things have really come together very quickly, and very unexpectedly, too. I got some very surprising news from a number of people a few days ago regarding funding and contributions! Very surprising, indeed...!!!

This is going to happen.

I will be in England before the end of this month.

This is going to happen.

Folks,

I'm going to England.

God has really shown me that He will take care of the things that I need for Him to take care of. I've been so worried about the funding for this mission trip, and God has provided. I really don't know what else to say except...wow.

WOW.

I'm on Skype

wllmbillyjones

SKYPE ME, KIDS!

I'm still on AIM, too.

waggiwaggi24

All About Me, by Philipp Keel

I purchased a book the other day. "All About Me," by Philipp Keel, is a question-answer book where Keel asks you questions about yourself, and you write them down in the book. You could also answer the questions aloud or in your mind, or you could simply ponder them for the next day...and even journal, write, or blog about them.

I purchased the book for a few reasons. One reason is because I love the practice of intraspection. I love answering questions about myself, to myself, and figuring out why I feel the way I do, why I am the way I am, etc. It's a process that gets me thinking, and I want to learn how I can improve myself and my life and current situations and even future situations.

There are 82 pages of questions, some of them silly and some of them serious. The range of topics goes from personal, to family and friends, to love, to fears, etc.

It's a recommended purchase and activity. I think it would behoove everyone if we took a little more time to learn about ourselves....

Marginalized

First off, it was wonderful to see a fellow Creeksider when I went to work this afternoon. More and more, I am feeling encouraged and inspired. I'm feeling like I might actually go on a long-term (or, to some organizations, a medium-term) mission trip. GAH!

I discovered a new blog this morning...EARLY. It has got me thinking about myself and marginalized people (those that, for some reason, have been pushed to the sidelines of society by a larger and/or more powerful group of people and are not given the same access to rights and priveleges as the larger and/or more powerful group). When I really get to thinking about it, I have been concerned for the marginalized for some time now. My heart hurts for those that have been given the shaft. There are certain demographics that I feel more concerned about than others, such as those that find themselves in the midst of addiction, or those who suffer from depression, overweight people, etc..................

When I was taking Intro to Sociology at Reinhardt College a few years ago, I didn't really think that the professor was accurate on a number of issues. I heard him, and even one of the religion professors, talk about marginalized people and how it happens and why and who and when and where and what, etc. Now, though, I am realizing that these professors, and others, were not as incorrect as I once thought. They knew what they were talking about.

Personally, I am a marginalized individual...in some respects. I mean...if you've seen me in person or if you look closely (but...don't look too closely) at a photo of me, you'll see that I'm a fat kid. Whatever. I need to lose weight. More than half of America is fat, so I'm in the majority in that sense. However, our society still favors thin, tight, toned, and tan. I'm none of those things (but, SO HELP ME FATHER GOD, I will fit into society's cookie cutter one day). Clothes don't fit me, and I can't wear just anything, and I have to do extra things to keep things in check (though I fail miserably). The fashion world is a powerful force in our culture, and even though thin or healthy people are the minority in this country, they are still the most powerful.

Maybe the above paragraph doesn't make any sense. Maybe it makes perfect sense. Maybe it sort of makes sense, and where I totally lose you, you're still able to get the main jist of what in the world I'm trying to say.

There's more to me, though, than just a funny guy in a fat suit and fat clothes.... How do I say what is on my mind and my heart, and what has been there for years...only unacknowledged by me?

What I'm really trying to say is that I feel pain for addicts, and overweight people, and those with depression, and those with eatting disorders. I hurt for those who are hurting, and those that the church has actively hated...or simply not loved. The church, at least from my limited point of view, has done a terrible job loving on people. I'm tired of the sickness that plagues our congregations and leads Christians to do and say and feel unChrist-like things. Christ's message to us was one of love. I see love as being grace, mercy, and justice. There is a lot more to loving others in the name of God (the Triune God) than simply grace, mercy, and justice, but these are the three that I'm really thinking about right now.

Ah. My head is swimming again. That's what happens when I blog. I start typing about something and then I get led down another path and another subject and another thought. I also want to make sure that I don't offend anyone or whatever, and I want to make sure that my thoughts are clear and consice and understood.

My heart has been hurting for a few days now. I want to do what I can to serve others, and to show that I care for people whom the church has forgotten about or has shunned. I can't do a lot, but whatever is done in love...well...I guess that's good enough.

Don't think that I'm a radical liberal who wants to put daisies in rifles...though that would be cool. I'm not abandoning my somewhat conservative-to-moderate faith; I'm expanding it.

There goes my head again: swimming.

Digestives are Delicious!!

Let me begin this post by making a quick vent:

Bill O'Reilly makes me want to vomit green goo from my ears. That man makes me cringe, LITERALLY. My skin crawls when I think about how much I dislike that man and the way he hosts his show. Would someone PLEASE shove a soccer player's pair of unwashed lucky socks in his mouth?

Onward.

This past week, I got together with two of my friends and we went grocery shopping. We found a British food section in two different grocery stores! How exciting is that?!

Julie (one o' th' friends I was with) told me that our friend, Jamos (he's Scottish, and he went to Reiny-Land last year) said that he loved Digestives, some sort of cookie-thing that the British like. We found then, we ate them, and they were SO GOOD.
If you can manage to get your hands on some of these fine English biscuits, DO SO!

Oh, and I got a British Tea Blend from PG Tips. It smells delightful. I'm extatic about trying this tea!
After Creekside deposits the check that I wrote today, a total of $1,610 will have been contributed!! That means that I am ALMOST half way there!!
I'm pretty close finalizing the Health Insurance shtuff. That should be done some time this week. After that, I'm left with paying Time For God for the gracious support that they will be providing for me. Whooooot!!

That's right...you folks don't know that I got my plane ticket!!

I managed to get a direct flight on British Airways from Atlanta to Heathrow that departs at 9:15 and arrives in the UK at 10:20. This is the very flight that I have been looking for since I started looking for flights! I didn't think it would be possible to find something as good as this, but I found out about it when I went to MTS Travel. I found out about MTS when I contacted the International Mission Board, and they graciously gave me a list of the different travel agencies that they use when they send missionaries.

My flight is BA0226. I'm sitting on 29K...which is a window seat.... :-D

HOO-FREAKING-RAY!!

Now, I continue to pray for the remaining $3,000. I'm still nervous, and I'm still not sure if this will all work out. I certain pray so.

My Heavens the things that have happened.

Sorry I haven't updated in a bit.

Here's the scoop:

I purchased a plane ticket through a travel agency that I found out about when I called the International Mission Board. They've been of GREAT help to me!! The oneway ticket was less than $400...and it's a direct flight...and it departs from Atlanta late in the evening (which is what I wanted) AND I am allowed to take with me THREE (that is, 3) checked bags. It couldn't be more perfect if it were lined in platinum and encrusted with diamonds.

Let's see.... Mom and I went shopping for luggage. We found some great bags, but we have not purchased yet. The incredibly kind gentleman at the store told us that some bags that we were looking at would be going on sale in the next week, and that we ought to wait until then. He was nice. I liked him.

FINALLY, the amount that has been raised thus far is $1,410! After purchasing the plane ticket...and the Visa for the UK (which I hate that I had to tap into the donations to get...), I have $823.48, which ought to be more than enough to get some sort of a smart health insurance plan. I'm still shopping around for that, though, so I might find something even better than what I've got my eyes on. There's a thermometer at the top of this post.

Soo...things are turning out. I shouldn't lose hope or faith. This is an incredibly long and difficult journey, and I'm being taught some really important lessons. I know that if all of the money that I need came in at once, I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much as I am going to appreciate it once it does come in.

I have to check the facebook. TTYL!!

Things I'm Realizing

I'm going to be on another continent in a few weeks.

I'm poor.

I'm not where I need to be...financially, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically....

I'm scared I won't get everything I need.

I'm scared I won't get the money I need.

I don't have the faith I need; I have very conditional faith.

I need to fund raise more aggressively.

I need to be more self reliant.

I need to start journaling...because this is a part of my mission experience and one of the lessons from God.

I need to stop worrying.

I need to stop worrying about what other people think about me.

I need to do a lot of things, but my head is absolutely swimming and I can't think of anything else to do except blog...even though I don't have anything worthwhile to say.

Student Loans

Student loans are DUMB.

Being an adult is DUMB.

Do do either.

I vote we skip the whole "get a job" thing and we just have fun all day.

Either that or I create my own nation...an island....

Applications to join me on my new island nation will be available soon.

Please provide references.

No mean people allowed.

Fund Raising Monday

Here's the latest on the fund raising front.

Right now, I feel good about this week. :-)

OH!
I forgot to mention this: I GOT THE VISA. It arrived on my birthday. Thank you, British Border Agency, for the wonderful birthday present!
(...that I paid for....)

Firkin Birthday!!

I went to The Firkin and Crown with me mates this evening for a final birthday hoo-rah. It was wonderful. I got the Guinness Steak and Mushroom Pie. If you like mushrooms, then get it!! Otherwise, you'll have a lot of mushrooms to pick out. I don't like mushrooms, but I picked them out and it was still delicious. They have the BEST vegetables at The Firkin!! They're so buttery and wonderful and filled with love. The next time I go to The Firkin, I'll be getting the Bangers, Beans, and Mash. I'm excited!

I got a lot of travel stuff, like a pillow, flashlight, a wee-umbrella, and a backpack that folds in on itself. Oh, and a mysterious envelope that I'm not allowed to open until I'm in the UK....

This past Wednesday when I went to Atlanta with a friend of mine, I saw a different British pub. I think it's important that I inspect it as well to try their food and atmosphere. I enjoy The Firkin, and there's no way it can be replaced.

So...on with other opportunities of fund raising and contacting people and prayer. Fund raising is hard. I'm not being faith-filled enough, and I'm not keeping my head in the game....

Okay. It's time to send a letter to Lynnette at Time For God with some important documents (a signed contract/charter, police check, etc.). Oh, and the same stuff needs to go to Ben at Yeldall Manor.

Work.

I met one of the sweetest ladies today who was so interested in my mission trip. I was touched. If you're reading this, HELLO!! :-D

I also saw someone that I went to church with a few years ago, and I saw his wife. HELLO, YOU TWO!! :-D

There are a lot of things that are aggravating me at work. I could go on for days about everything, but I'm not going to do that. I don't want to. I mean, I want to, but I don't...if that makes any sense at all.... I've been trying to figure out how I can make all of these negatives look differently and make them positives. I need some patience.

I guess that's what I'm really needing right now: patience. I'm really running low on patience with people. All KINDS of people that I run into on a daily basis aggravate me...and it's a matter of patience. I need to shut up and toughen up, really.
Be kind, deal with it, move on.
Be kind, deal with it, move on.
Be kind, deal with it, move on....

And...I don't want to be a wuss in these kinds of situations. I don't want the opinions of others to bother me as much as they do. I don't want to search for complements like I do (at least, I feel like I search for complements). I don't want to annoy people with my self-consciousness. I don't want people to feel as if they need to check up on me and work to be sensitive around me.

There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many reasons why I think that England is going to be good for me. I think God has A LOT of good in store for me. It's going to be an extremely hard year, but it's going to have so many good things come from it. I'm excited about this year because it's going to be filled with new experiences and I know that I will be a better person for it, though I don't know how I'm going to be a better person. I'm nervous...borderline scared...of the process of changing and growing, though.

God has been a force in my life thus far...He's not going to just up and leave during this time when I serve Him and obey Him....

Neat Fundraising Thermometer

I found this website that makes fundraising thermometers. I thought I would add it to the blog.

I got $35 for my birthday, so I've added it to the funds. Woohoo!!

Wow I feel a lot better about some things.

This week is Annual Conference for the North Georgia Conference for the United Methodist Church. Being a member of a UM church, and being an alumni of a UM college, and going on a mission trip to England along with three other Reinhardt alums, I was asked to go to Annual Conference to a dinner in honor of Reinhardt College and briefly share about what I'll be doing, how I got to where I am now, etc. Dinner was nice, and the conversations were helpful and uplifting, and I enjoyed the evening.

After dinner, Leigh, Ashely, Christina (gotta give my shout-outs) and I went to Ben and Jerry's ("and on the eighth day, God made Ben and Jerry's") and then walked around Athens. I'd never been to Athens, and I must say...nice place! I like it lots. We walked around UGA's campus, Leigh gave us a brief tour, and then we saw Sanford Stadium. It's smaller than I thought...but it's still really big...but every time I've seen it, it's been on the TV. The camera adds 10 pounds...or in this case, "10 acres and 10 thousand people" (one of the four of us said that, but I don't remember who).

After doing some sitting and some walking and some talking about all sorts of things, I feel a lot better about fundraising. I've been nervous about fundraising for a little while now for a number of reasons. I've been nervous that maybe God won't pull through this time, even though I've spent so much money thus far with applications, a passport, a Visa for the UK.... I've felt the tug to go somewhere for three years now! Positive things kept coming up...over and over again...and I thought, "this really is a God thing!" Not that it still isn't a God thing, but I've had some reality present itself to me, and it's been rough.

Two things that I've been reminded of over and over again is 1) the fundraising process is half of the mission trip experience, and 2) that if all of the money were donated all at once, then I wouldn't appreciate it as much.

Yup. That's the truth.

I feel much better about this process. I am still a bit worried, but I'm not hopeless like I was earlier. God has a plan, and He knows what He's doing. As long as I remain faithful, NOT hopeless, and I continue to look for His will, and as long as I continue to find new ways of fundraising, everything will be fine.

Shoot. I have to get ready for work.

Buuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhh.....

I did it.

I sent the stupid visa application in today.

It's out of my hands...literally and figuratively. I'm not freaking out like I thought I would, but I am nervous.

Oh well. Whatever. The only thing I know to do is pray that if the UK Border Agency Officer see something that he/she doesn't like, or has a question/comment/concern, that she/he will contact me so that I can put his/her mind at ease.

Perhaps I need to send another bribe--I MEAN...gift basket with an assortment of teas and scones and marmalades and clotted cream....

Have you ever had clotted cream? It's a lot like whipped cream...if it isn't actually whipped cream. It's pretty good. It isn't the first thing I would think to put on a scone or other baked good along the lines of a biscuit (American biscuit, that is...not an American cookie), but it's nice nonetheless.

I got my Criminal History today, too. That was a trip. The walls in the "waiting room" (or holding cell) were donned with printed and cut-out pictures of cute animals. Puppies and kittens snuggled next to each other, bunnies and ducks.... It was weird. I didn't like it. Oh, and everyone working there seemed to not be having a good day. They reinforced my initial judgement when I asked them how their day was going.

That last sentence makes sense, but it doesn't use the words I want to use. There's another word I'm looking for, but I can't figure out what those words are.

Now I'm about to get some dinner, go BACK to work (Old Navy called me and asked if I wanted to work again tonight), and after work I think I'll run by the post office and mail the Criminal History results to Ben at Yeldall Manor. I have nothing to hide; I'm clean as a whistle.

That phrase never made sense to me.... Whistles aren't clean because you've had them in your mouth and you're spitting on them....

Whoa Be To The One Who Screws With This Plane Ticket....

SO I haven't bought my plane ticket yet.

I've seen some incredible airfares out there, but I'm nervous that some of these fares are coming from sketchy sites who will end up taking the money and messing around with my head. I've been reading all about some of these sites and how people have been fighting with them for months (even, in some cases, a year) and I don't want to get into any of that. I don't have the time nor the patience.

Then again, if someone screws me over, I'll just pull the God/Missionary card....

"Do you have any idea what you're doing? You are keeping a missionary from doing the will of God."

...Yeah...that might work....

Sorry about that last post....

If any of you read the post that I just deleted, I'm sorry about my meltdown.

I've been really REALLY stressing over this whole UK Visa thing. I had a total meltdown last night.

This morning, I called Time For God and Lynnette, being the dear that she is, helped to put my mind at ease. I guess I've had this situation put together in my mind of the British Border Agents having a no-exception policy, and that I'll never get this Visa, and everything will fall apart and I'll fail miserably.

Welcome to my everyday fear of failing miserably, and praying that I don't screw up any more than I have to.

So...I'll do what I can, and I'll do what Lynnette suggested I do, and I'll go from there.

I just need to use the faith that has been given to me...not more faith...just the faith that has been given already....

More Letters are Ready

I'm almost ready to send another batch of letters out.

Once again, I'm sitting at the computer before work, listening to Shiny Toy Guns (AH! they're amazing!) working my fingers off getting letters written, addresses typed, envelopes printed, and stamps stuck.

...And once again, I'm freaking out.

BUT THEN, I think about how amazing God responded to the effort that I put forth. The response was amazing, and I'm encouraged to keep going. I love that saying that goes something like, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't make." True-that. If I don't make the effort...if I don't give God the raw materials...then nothing will happen.

By raw materials, I mean the letters, the money for the envelopes and stamps and note cards, the time to put it all together, and the faith that God really can do something if I just give him a mustard seed....

My iPod just beeped at me telling me it's time to get ready for work. Actually, I have seven minutes until it's time to get ready for work.

I need to remember to add Time For God's and Yeldall Manor's websites to this blog. 'Twould make it easier for people to check those websites....

LIGHT and the End of the Tube

::DEEEEEEEEEPP SIGH::

I feel like I've been spinning my wheels trying to get this Visa for the United Kingdom. There are half a gillion websites, and I feel like they're all telling me to go to a different website, e-mail a different person, fill out a different form, etc. Finally, though, I've reached some sort of answer as to how to go about filling these forms out, where to go, how to get there, when answers should be made, etc.

I have an appointment this Friday with the British Consulate in Atlanta so that they can gather my biometric information...or something like that.... I was told by someone over the phone that I would need to fill out yet another form, which I can find on some website. I couldn't find the form. I don't know if it exists. If the form does, indeed exist, then I just won't fill it out. The British Consulate can print one out for me and I can fill it in when I get there this Friday. All will be well. I'm tired of freaking out over this.

OH! And I was told that I could receive a response in 5-15 business days. This is NOT what I read online earlier today; I read that it could take 60 days. There's quite a discrepancy.

I just used the word discrepancy. AND I almost spelled it correctly the first time. I'm really proud of myself.

Soo...I don't know if I should believe 5-15 or 60. I just want the thing in my hot little hands as soon as possible. Maybe this will be like the US Passport. I was told 4-6 weeks, and it was at my house waiting for me in 3 weeks....

I have also received my first donations!! I'm really amazed at how generous people are. I have a long way to go, but I feel soo much better knowing that other people believe in me to donate money. I've got a fair amount of my own money invested in this, too. I didn't say that in my first letters, and I really regret that. When I get paid tomorrow, I'll be writing a healthy...and scary...sized check to Mom for money that I owe her, AND check to Creekside UMC.

Speaking of money, I still need to pay for my Visa. $212 to get a Visa!! BAH! that's a lot of money....

I received my book, Kate Fox's Watching The English, from Barnes and Noble the other day. I've been reading up on conversation codes, and "weather-speak." It's really quite interesting to learn about why the English talk about the weather so much. It's not a pathological interest in the weather, but rather a way of starting a conversation...a way of inviting another person to conversation. It also acts as a conversation filler...when there's an awkward silence or something like that. I've been reading on how to respond, too. I've been highlighting rather important passages when I come across them. I have a feeling that this book will be VERY useful.

I'm going to check my e-mail, and then I'm going to continue reading.

Oh poop on a stick. I've just done something to the computer monitor and my start button and tool bar and all of that have disappeared. I've done this before, but I don't remember how to bring it back. Oh, for the love.... I hate PCs.

Oh, Brother.

Hi, Folks.

There are all kinds of things on my mind. They're all heavy.

...

I don't know what else to say.

Sorry, Folks. It's been a bit since my last blog and I felt the need to type something, but there really isn't a whole lot that I feel like I can say.

The First Letters

The first of the support letters were put into the mail today.

I'm praying that God do something. I'm praying that I have humility and faith and a thankful heart.

This is a good thing. This is a good experience...the beginning of a lot of good experiences.

Being Aggressive

I need to get aggressive in my fundraising. If I'm going to go on this mission trip, then I need to put in some elbow grease and leg work. If God ordains it, I will raise the money; if not, I won't. I am still learning that we ought not sit around and wait on God all of the time. Sometimes we have to get out there and do things, and if it is God's will, then our efforts will pay off. In all situations, God doesn't want us to sit around and wait on Him. SOMETIMES He does want us to do just that, but not always. In the case of applying to Time For God, God wasn't going to fill the application out for me, and He wasn't going to pull together the references and all of that; I had to fill it out, I had to gather my references and my photos, and I had to pay to send the application in...THEN I had to wait on God and have faith that His will be done. I believe it is God's will that I be offered a volunteer position at Yeldall Manor. Whether or not I actually go, that is still up to God. I will do my part and I will do fundraising aggressively (but not obnoxiously or be pushy).

That's thought number one. Thought number two comes as a result of a book that I just read. I believe that going on this trip will be a good opportunity for SOOOOO SOO many things. I believe that my faith will be tested, and as a result, will continue to grow. I believe I might find some more direction in life (be it something that I realize I do want to do, or something that I realize I do not want to do). Another opportunity for growth and change is that I will be with men about my age and older. Perhaps...God willing and God being gracious...I might find a sort of brotherhood and...sonhood or sonship or something...with these men. Perhaps I will find brothers and fathers that I have never had before. Some of you know my experiences, and you will understand how important this is to me.

A lot...A LOT...of good would come out of an experience life this one. I believe that my faith in Triune God will become more of what it needs to be. I will pick up new habits after dropping off old ones. Relationships will be made, and perhaps those relationships that are made will continue after returning to the US. I would like to this that would happen. I believe that it will if it is God's will, and if I respond accordingly.

That's another thing; when we pray for patience, God doesn't bestow upon us patience. When we pray for patience, God puts us into situations where we have to excercise what patience we currently have. It's like...God doesn't give us the ability to lift a zillion pounds, but rather gives us opportunities to practice and excercise until we're able to life a zillion pounds. If I pray for faith, God tests faith. If I pray for patience, God tests patience. If I pray for self confidence, God tests that, too. If I pray for positive relationships, God will test me on that. That scares me...A LOT.

That's all. I really need to get to bed. Old Navy in the morning, printing out more letters and support cards, and more "name storming" and fundraising opps after that. OH, and I need to plant some new seeds. I've started a nice little herb garden on the front porch, and I've also planted some flowers. It will be nice to see them grow this summer...hopefully just like my fund raising....

"Jesus, take the wheel"...to quote Carrie Underwood.

PASSPORT!

I just got my passport!

Now I'm going to be applying for the UK Visa.

You know, I'm going to miss a lot of things in the US while I'm in the UK...like Chick Fil A. I'm really going to miss those sandwiches....

I still need to get some more letters out.

I'm reading a new book. I really like it, and it has me thinking about a number of things...mostly God.

Okay. I'm done. I need to check my work schedule for tomorrow.

New Post for a New Blog.

As I said in "Full of High Sentence, but a Bit Obtuse," the title is far too long, so I decided to switch to this one. I believe this one, "England-HO!," is more fitting for the purpose of this blog.

I will be posting the first two blogs from "Full of High Sentence" in just a few so that everything will be in one place as it should be.

So...here begins to new blog for my journey to England!

Today at Old Navy, a woman from England (near Liverpool) came through. Bless her sweet heart...she had a few questions about the currency. It was a lot of fun talking to her! Shortly after she left, another woman came to me and asked me about the mission trip. She was so interested, and said that her daughter was interested in doing something like this. It was wonderful telling her all about what it is that I will be doing! I hope that it will be okay for me to wear a shirt at work telling people about the trip.... It's not meant to gloat; it's just to tell people that this is something that people can do, and here's how, and if you do want to support me in whatever way, then I'll tell you how. I wouldn't be asking people to help me and let that be the end of it; I would be talking about how others can do the same thing.

I love watching British comedies on GPB (channel 8) on Saturday nights. It's so much fun to watch their culture. Plus...I think they're a bit more funny than some of the American sit-coms.

I still need to buy stamps. OH, and I need to change the blog website on my letters and facebook and support cards. That's okay, though. It needs to happen.

Okay. I'm done. I need a shower and some sleep. It's been a long day, but a good one!

Support Letters

The first batch of support letters are about to go out, and I'm pretty nervous.

The process of creating the support letter, the support cards, the envelopes, etc. has been yet another interesting experience. I've never done this, and I want to make sure I do this correctly.
While I was typing and printing letters and envelopes, I would check the names on the letters with the names on the envelopes, then check them again, then fold the letter and put it in the envelope.
I was so afraid that I had put the wrong name in the wrong envelope, so I checked them yet again.
Half way through doing this I realized I didn't sign them!
Now I'm nervous about the color of the pen; should it be black, to be professional, or should it be blue...to add some color to the letter...and seeing as blue is one of the colors of the UK...?

Should I take off the picture of the UK...or should I leave it to keep it interesting?

What about the placement of the stamp?

Am I going to put it on correctly, or am I going to screw it up somehow?

After I've stuffed and sealed each envelope, I'm going to pray two things:
1) that God's will be done with these letters, and
2) that if I screwed anything up that God would perform a miracle and fix it before they arrive in the hands of their owner(s).

::sigh::

I do this all of the time. I want to make sure that it really is 5:00 that I go into work, so I check my e-mail. Then I check the schedule that I printed out to make sure something funky didn't happen with the printer. Then I set about 8 different alarms to make sure I start getting ready at the right time.

I also worry about the dumbest things ever, like the weight of the paper. Are these people going to notice that the paper that I'm printing on isn't office-quality copy/multipurpose paper? Chances are yes, and chances are they aren't going to care. What about the envelopes? What kind of stamps am I going to use? What about the support cards? What about...and then...and what if...and....

Lord God make me chill out before my head explodes. It doesn't matter if I have the picture of a monkey on the stamp or if I use cardstock with a watermark. Just get the letters out there and let God do the rest!

So a few letters and envelopes later, with the addition of a soap opera on mute and 80's music playing in the background, I'm almost ready to send out my first support letters. We'll see what God does with them.

Blogger is Bugging Out

I have been keeping a blog for about a year about how the process of applying for an international mission trip has been going. Suddenly, when I try to access both my Gmail account AND my blogger under the same name, all is unrecognized, and I am forced to start over. Have past entries been sucked into a black hole in cyber space? Looks like it. :-P

Okay. SO. Here's the past 10 or so months in a nutshell:

I applied to Time For God. Time For God called me. The phone call went well. Time For God put me in touch with Yeldall Manor. I called Yeldall Manor. The phone call dropped after 20 minutes. I freaked out. Yeldall Manor called me back the next day after I sent them an e-mail apologizing for the dropped phone call. The second go-round went very well. Both Time For God and Yeldall Manor offered me a 12-month volunteer position at Yeldall Manor. I accepted. This blog. Support letters. Passports. Visa Applications. Traveloer's Medical Insurance. Airfare. Telling my family. Excitement. Anxiety. God? GOD! Thank you, God! Oh, God.... More God....

::sigh::

Peace by still....

I'm praying the United States Department of State (or whatever) decideds to have some mercy on me and give me my passport sooner than everyone else's. Maybe Colin Powel...or Hilary Clinton...or Condoleezza Rice will pull some strings. I should send them a bribe...I mean...a thank you note with some chocolates in a basket.

So there is a lot to do, but I feel like there is so little I can do right now. After I get that passport, I'll be able to send the appropriate information to Time For God, and then they'll start helping to hook me up with my UK visa.

My cat is so wonderful. And mean. I think I'll bring her with me to the UK. She can fit in my carry-on. No one will have to know.

So that's about it. I'm going to continue working one some paperwork that I am able to work on, and then get ready to look for some new glasses. Hopefully, I'll find some flashy new spectacles that will WOW the world on my awesomely amazing face. Prince Charming has NOTHING on these dashing good looks...especially after some too-hot-too-trot glasses are on me.